01.
missing home is missing 어머니.
missing 어머니 is acknowledging that parts of me are missing.
02.
it’s deliciously satisfying getting to know the people
who get to love
the people i love.
03.
i’m highly sensitive to the power of place.
chicago wants to be my home.
it offers familiarity, embodied memories, safety in community.
and it’s where my deepest wounds are most severely agitated.
seattle is where i’m the most my self.
it nourishes me with slowness and blesses me with trust.
grief can find me here. where it’s safe to return to me.
and corea, when i feel her longing,
my insides become both heavy and hollow,
a wave of inconsolable homesickness overtakes me.
04.
when is closeness suffocating? when is it freeing?
what distance is required for closeness to feel safe?
i require separateness in loving relationship. enough distance such that i can clearly see both, them and me. too close and i can’t fully see them, in the way that i can’t yet see all of me.
05.
safety is knowing that many others are committed to my survival and aliveness.
06.
the duration and depth of my relationships do not control my loved ones’ personal timelines of unlearning.
i don’t love others for what they offer me. i love, to the extent that it feels liberatory, because we exist.
07.
my body knows when home is present.
home is when my nervous system settles in the company of their nervous system.
home makes longing possible, bringing me closer to wholeness.
08.
i love myself too fiercely to remain in relationships rooted in fear.
09.
home is when i fade into invisibility,
and your hand finds mine,
reminding me that i’m real.
returning 